I think you’d be hard-pressed to find someone who hasn’t Googled “how to write wedding vows” uncomfortably close to their wedding day. Writing wedding vows isn’t easy, even when you know you have a million amazing things to say to your soon-to-be spouse.
Why is that?
Is it the pressure of knowing you only have a certain amount of time to say all these magical things and make all these powerful promises? Is it the stress of a deadline? Is it knowing 100 people are going to be staring at you while you make said powerful promises?
I think it’s a big ol’ combo. It’s a hell of a lot of pressure to write your own vows, and depending on the couple it may not be the right choice.
Should You Write Your Own Vows?
Writing wedding vows is your chance to personalize your ceremony. In a time when everyone wants their wedding so unique and so ‘them,’ it’s only natural people want to ensure their vows are that way as well.
Think about who you are as a person, and who your partner is. Are you people who like to have attention on you? Or does the thought of speaking in front of a group of people make you want to turtle yourself into a Snuggie and never come out?
What’s important to you? Do you want to spend the time writing vows in the months before your wedding day when you could be doing something else?
If it’s truly that important to you, spend the time! If not, your time may be better spent on other areas of your wedding, or on other things in your life.
Also make sure you and your partner are on the same page. You should both want to write your vows — or both want to skip writing them — if that’s the decision you go with.
What If You Don’t Write Them Yourself?
Don’t feel pressured to write your own vows. The classics are classics for a reason: they work.
“…to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health…”
Pretty good, right? Can’t go wrong.
If traditional vows are too traditional for you and you want to spice it up without actually writing them yourself, your officiant can help you.
Many officiants nowadays do a great job of keeping things personal to the couple in the ceremony. Bring it up when you meet with prospective officiants! They want to make your ceremony just as memorable as you do.
Personal Vow Alternatives
There are other ways to share your promises if you’ve decided you don’t want to write wedding vows yourself. Here’s just a few:
- Write each other a letter to open the night before or the morning of your wedding. You won’t have the pressure of writing vows, but you’ll still have personalized messages for each other and mementos you can treasure forever.
- Toast each other during the reception. Give a quick toast to one another when you take the podium for your speech.
- Take traditional vows and replace some of the wording with your own for the officiant to read. It’s the best of both worlds; you don’t have to completely write your own vows, but you still add a personal touch.
Writing Your Wedding Vows
If you two do decide to write wedding vows to each other, remember one thing: make it your own! They don’t have to be anything other than what you want them to be.
Funny, emotional, quick and to the point, long and eloquent — do whatever you want. As long as you’re each being authentically yourselves when you write your vows, they’ll be amazing.
No matter what you decide to do, your vows are a celebration of your relationship and your promises to each other. Think about what is best for both of you — not just what you think you should do!